The highly respected and omniscient book, The Intergalactic Encyclopedia of Gentlemanly Style, (from which the MoG was born) defines the words "chastity belt" as:
What you see above, gentlemen, is such an apparatus. Created by spiteful German scientists after World War II half a century ago, this unthinkable evil (known despicably as a pair of "Tighty Whities") was released upon the modern male population of the planet under the guise of a fashionable alternative to wearing Long Johns in the summer. Dumbfounded by its success, these same masterminds unleashed additional monstrosities upon the style world as part of a diabolical scheme to decrease the birthrate of American children. These additions included such horrors as the "wife beater" undershirt and the solid white knee sock. Success, it seemed, was undeniable--where once such devices would have only been used by celibate monks as part of a painful chaffing ritual to prove their devotion to a divine being, now American men all over the country were proudly sporting these hideous date repellants.A hellishly unattractive parasitic apparatus that, when attached around the waist or midsection of an individual, effectively repels any and all possibility of the host attracting a suitable mate for the duration of the unfortunate symbiotic relationship.
It is therefore incumbent upon me, dear gentlemen, to stress that if you or someone you love has fallen prey to this wickedness, it is high time to fight; to revamp the clothes underneath your clothes...this is your Under Garment Upgrade.
1. Don't Diss Your Kicks
2. Your Man-Bra Is Showing
bacon neck though). If you're planning on loosening up on the other hand or ditching the tie completely, opt for a solid V neck like the one pictured above. This way, you can easily sport a little chest without rocking that 90's-department-store-manager look you get with an oxford and white crew.
(Note: the V neck pictured is treading very close to the too-much-man-cleavage area...but you get the idea)
3. Monk Tested, Lady Disgusted
Finally, and most importantly, is what you've got going on in your business department. Here's the deal, if you're over 17 it's time to burn those novelty drawers with Taz and the Xbox logo and invest in some big boy skivvies. While I'm sure the Stewie Griffin unmentionables were quite the rage at the high school geek-a-thon sleepovers (at least mine were), they'll be gaining you absolutely no points in the "I'm a Real Man" department on wedding night. Instead, upgrade to some simple, cotton boxer shorts in solid colors. Fruit of the Loom makes some incredibly comfortable ones that come in some very sleek, refined gentlemanly tones sure to make you feel much more grown-up. Believe me, your significant other will thank you later for sparing her eyes from the horror of your boyhood manties.
What do you think of the Under Garment Upgrade?