Summer Grooming Tips Inspired by Some Bears I Saw At the Zoo

"Oh! Check 'em out, he's just like Baloo from The Jungle Book!"

For once, the hoard of selfie-taking, gorilla-impersonating, cage-rattling teenage girls was correct.  The bear that stood before us, separated by a 5-foot wide retaining moat and some uncomfortably thin-looking plexiglass, was indeed standing on his hind legs against one of the wooden columns that upheld his quaint habitat "porch" and proceeding to scratch and rub his back with what appeared to be an almost euphoric smile upon his giant man-eating jaws. The dude was loving it. And as his squealing, gum-smacking adolescent admirers watched in an amazement so powerful that an absence of the word Instagram could be felt for a whole 15 seconds across the universe, I think I saw his smile get a little bigger as a collective "EEEWWWW" came squawking from them as the giant bit of winter coat came peeling off his back onto the ground.

My boy, Baloo (or whatever the Fort Worth Zoo calls their male bear), was shedding if you haven't guessed, and not a day too soon.  The poor boy had to be getting miserable in the 85+ degree heat with his lovely coat looking like a buzzcut gone horribly wrong:

And it was at that moment, dear readers, standing in the heat exercising my right to see bear arms, that I felt an odd sort of bond with my furry, black Winnie the Pooh descendant.  The more I stood outside in the early summer Texas heat with the knowledge it only gets worse from here, the more I wanted to find the nearest porch and shave off all my warmth-trapping hair too!  But certainly, there must be a better way for a modern gent to loose the winter coat and still keep things cool.

So it is without further dallying about, that I present to you 3 of the best summer grooming tools I've run across in the past few weeks.  I call it The M.O.G.'s Summer Grooming Guide sponsored by my Fort Worth Zoo Bear brother....this one's for you, mate.

1. Dollar Shave Club

Ok, so you know how when you were a single guy in college you made a trip every three months or so to Wal-Mart and just picked up a Mach3 with a few disposable heads and called it a semester?  (or maybe that's you right now) Well, you can forget about all that once you're married.  Those Mach3's AND all of the heads are done in a week.  One in the shower, one next to the bathtub, one that's sorta for you but not really, and BOOM--you're off to buy more blades every other time you walk out of your house.  The struggle, and the expense, is real my friend.

So what's the answer?  Try Dollar Shave Club.  For less than the price of a bag of Doritos, DSC sends you a razor and 5 cartridges a month for as long as you need it.  And if you ever feel like you're about to drown in too many cartridges, you can switch over to the Not So Hairy plan and you'll get 5 every other month. Seriously?! A buck every two months and you get as many razors as you (and the Mrs.) could possibly use? You got it.

Put two in the shower, one on the bathtub, use one on the dog, and save one for your hobbit feet. It's awesome. The less hair on your body, the less hair follicle sponges to soak up the dude sweat odor.  Think about it.

I opted for The 4X option (my first delivery is pictured at the top of the post) just because I like to do the dance with a few more blades, but if you're in need of some serious time and money shavers...this is it.

2. The Beard Trimmer
For years I have been playing a very dangerous game.  I shave about once every week or week and a half (I know, I know you're awesome and you'd have a ZZ Top beard by then--Pipe it.), and because my beard is so gosh darn patchy, I reach the pinnacle of cool-looking stubble on like day two.  Any kind of event or picture-taking or date night comes along outside of day two and its either a shabby mess or baby-face magoo. I can't even tell you the hours I've spent calculating the exact millisecond to shave for the week as to align the perfection of day two stubble with the right moment--that is, until now.

Enter the Philips Norelco - Multigroom All-in-One Facial Styling Kit.  I bought this bad boy a few weeks ago with a gift card I received for Teacher Appreciation Week (it's ok, you can be jealous) and Oh My Groomer is it astounding.  You know that perfect sweet spot Day Two stubble I was talking about?  All. The. Time.  I'm grooming stuff on my face I didn't even know I had.  And at 19 bucks, there's absolutely no need for you to be sweltering underneath a mountain-man face adornment (as insanely manly as it looks).  Trim it all down a bit and cool off during these insane summer months.
3. The Haircut

I've been taking this picture to my barber for the past two months or so...or as soon as the temperatures started sneaking their way into the high 80s.  I had the whole long-on-top thing going through the fall and winter, but there's no way I could handle it through what's sure to be an extremely harsh summer.

Get a close crop like Mr. Pine here until the sun takes a breather sometime in August long enough for you to peak outside without your head catching on fire.  And the good news is that this kind of cut (super short on the sides and a tad longer on top) grows out super easily for that sartorially inclined dapper coif you're wanting to rock this fall. 

And with that, my friends, I leave you to your grooming cool down.  I wish you all the best as you battle this scorcher of a season from whatever side of the Northern Hemisphere you find yourself on.  Thanks so much to our sponsor, Baloo (still not sure of his real name), for being such a great inspiration.  And if you gents find yourselves with any additional razors, trimmers, or "staying cool" tips, do pass them along to the old boy...he sure could use a hand.


P.S. There's some exciting new stuff happening around the M.O.G. if you haven't noticed.  Some new collaborations are in the works, we've got a new site design which I hope you like, and you can check out the new Recognition menu up at the top which will take you to a few shout-outs myself and my dog have been honored with recently! Until next time!


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